Do you know Who you really are?

I’ve been traveling a lot this spring, which always inspires lots of self-reflection. One of my big questions right now is “who am I at my core”?

To help me answer fundamental questions like these, I’ve been working with what life coach Kain Ramsey calls the Core Identity Model.

Essentially, this model separates what you do and how you do things from who you are.

What = the things you do in life
How = your attitudes, behaviors, preferences & styles

Who you are DOES NOT EQUAL what you do.

  • Your profession (teacher, politician, rock musician, social worker, holistic life coach)
  • Your beliefs (politics, religion, philosophy)
  • Your actions (giving, taking, ignoring, building)
  • Your location (Alaska, Hawaii, Paris – France, Paris – Texas)

Who you are DOES NOT EQUAL how you do things.

  • Good or bad
  • Right or wrong
  • Intense or lazy
  • Anxious or depressed
  • Stubborn or easily swayed
  • Meeting expectations or not (“failing”)
  • Supported or neglected
  • Punk, conservative, hipster, outdoorsy

To recap, the Core Identity Model shows that your fundamental, most basic self is not a:

  • Teacher, coach, mother, sister, retiree, bachelor
  • Grumpy old man
  • Hard core metal head
  • Anxious and depressed public employee

Why is this distinction important?

Often, you attach your identity to what you do. And when you lose that thing (your kids grow up and move out, you retire, you can’t mountain climb anymore) you lose your self.

In other words, you have an identity crisis.

Similarly, when you identify with how you do things, you create an image of yourself that drives the experiences in your life:

  • I’m bad at talking with people (so I avoid people and feel lonely)
  • I’m a terrible parent (so I avoid apologizing to my kids and learning new parenting techniques)
  • I’m a liberal/conservative (so I criticize people who have different beliefs which reinforces the differences and prevents opportunities to connect on a deeper level)
  • I’m not a creative person (so I avoid any kind of creative thing and watch TV instead)

Doesn’t that sound depressing? 

When you act from these beliefs, what kind of results do you get?  Often, you end up feeling stuck, trapped, stagnant, isolated, lost, disempowered, etc.
What and how become the limiting beliefs from which we live our daily lives. 

We all have limiting beliefs! They are what keep us trapped in our present circumstances. Thankfully,  we all have the capacity to live from a deeper sense of self so that we can have a happier, more vibrant life.

This is the kind of deep work that I love to help people with!

Which brings me to the good stuff – the Who.

Who are you at your core?

First of all, you’re not perfect. I’m not perfect. Your mentors aren’t perfect. Your parents aren’t perfect.
No one expects you to be perfect.
No one needs you to be perfect.

With that in mind, ask yourself:

  • Are you kind (not all the time, but most of the time)?
  • Are you honest (not all the time, but most of the time)?
  • Are you loving (not all the time, but most of the time)?
  • Are you giving (not all the time, but most of the time)?

What else are you most of the time?

{pause to ponder the answer}

Your answers above are are your fundamental nature as a human being. THIS is who you are.

How does that feel?

Could you love and accept another person that is basically kind, honest, loving and giving? Can you love and accept yourself for being those things?

In the healing practice of Ayurveda, we believe that humans are fundamentally good and that love is our true nature. As you live your life, you adapt to your circumstances and environment, which leads to the development of negative beliefs and habits.

Similar to driving down a muddy back road, dirt flies up on the windshield as we move through life, building up a thick crust that can make it hard to see. Eventually you reach a point where it becomes unbearable.

The journey of life is the work you do to clean off the mud by recognizing your unhelpful beliefs and habits and making conscious shifts to reveal your fundamentally good and loving nature more fully. This is the work of personal development, Ayurveda and life coaching. This is the work of maturing into a self-actualized adult that is balanced & happy.


I hope the Core Identity Model helps you to see yourself in a more compassionate light. If you have questions about how to apply it to your own life or would like to work on it together (for free), I’d love to help. I’m offering free phone calls for the first 2 weeks of May. You can schedule your appointment here.

May you have a lovely week of spring in it’s many forms!


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